Figuring Out What Makes You Happy Is a Quiet Kind of Freedom

freedom

23 Nov

Written By Joanne Tai

“Happiness is not a goal…it’s a by-product of a life well lived.”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

There’s a strange kind of silence when you finally ask yourself the question: What makes me happy?

Not what makes you appear successful.
Not what makes your parents proud.
Not what makes your Instagram grid look full and adventurous.

Just – what brings you actual joy. The slow, deep kind that stretches across seasons. The unassuming kind that creeps up when no one is watching.

Most people don’t ask themselves this. Not because they don’t care, but because they’re afraid of what the answer might mean. It’s safer to stay on the path that’s already paved – education, job, house, partner, retirement, and the carefully rationed joy between weekends.

But at some point, something stirs. You catch yourself smiling during a walk in the rain and wonder why that moment felt more alive than the big goals you’d been chasing for years. And that’s where it starts.

Who told you that would make you happy?

Here’s the thing: your definition of happiness probably isn’t yours. Not fully.

It’s been shaped, filtered, and edited like a group project. A bit from your parents. A splash from your school. A good chunk from your culture. And the rest? Probably from people trying to sell you something.

Success was painted as money, titles, or owning a house. Love was a partner, a wedding, maybe kids if you were "doing life right." Happiness was ticking boxes and doing it in the right order.

But what if the script you’re following isn’t even one you chose?

Unlearning takes time. It’s disorienting to realise you might not actually want the things you've been chasing. Maybe you never really wanted to climb the ladder. Maybe a simple life in a small town with lots of books and tea (or coffee) makes you feel richer than any promotion ever could.

And that’s okay.

Look back, gently

Your younger self knew a few things you’ve probably forgotten.

What did you do as a kid when no one was watching? What did you stay up late doing when you were 14, lost in something pointless and beautiful?

For me, it was scribbling in old notebooks, reading storybooks, cycling around the yard like I was on some grand quest. I didn’t care what anyone thought – I was too busy being fully alive.

Sometimes, those moments are the closest clues we have to our real joy. The things we did before money mattered. Before we thought we had to be useful all the time.

Happiness doesn’t always look mature or impressive. Sometimes it looks like baking banana bread at midnight or learning the names of birds.

Let yourself remember without judgment. Your past self isn’t gone. She’s just waiting for you to invite her back.

The kind of happy that doesn’t need explaining

The happiest I’ve ever felt wasn’t during some big milestone. It was the first sip of coffee on a cold morning, barefoot on wooden floors. It was having a friend to be silly with. It was standing atop a mountain, wrapped in chilly wind and silence.

No one else would call those moments impressive. But they were mine.

Sometimes, the real trick is noticing.

When your mind stops sprinting toward “what’s next” and instead lingers in the warmth of “this is enough.”

Try it. Think about the last week. What actually made you feel good? Not productive, not validated – happy.

Was it a song? A nap? A long shower?

Write them down. Make a note of the quiet things. They’re your roadmap.

Building a life that feels like yours

There’s something radical about designing your day around what actually fills you up.

Not in a #selfcare kind of way. More like what do you want your Tuesdays to feel like?

Do you want slow mornings or late nights? More solitude or more people? Do you want structure or space?

Not everyone wants the same kind of life, and that’s the point. Some people want a 9-6; others choose the open sea. It’s not only about travel, but also about freedom – to decide what enough means for you, and to live by your own rhythm instead of someone else’s checklist.

You don’t need to throw your whole life out and start again. Sometimes it’s just saying no to a meeting. Or taking a lunch break outside. Or deleting the app that makes you feel like you’re behind.

You get to build this. And you don’t have to wait until retirement to enjoy it.

Want to know what makes you happy? Start here.

If you’ve never really sat down and asked what makes you happy – or only did it in passing – here’s a place to begin. Quietly. Honestly.

Not a checklist. Just gentle prompts.

Think back to the last time you felt lit up from the inside. Not just content, but quietly buzzing. What were you doing?
Who do you admire, and why? What is it about their life or spirit that reflects something you want more of?
What do you value even when no one’s watching? What would change if your life reflected those values more deeply?
If fear, guilt, or money weren’t in the way – what would you wake up and do tomorrow? (Better yet: write your ideal day.)
Picture the person you want to be remembered as. What would he/she need to start doing today?

None of these require grand action. Just attention. Sometimes figuring out what makes you happy begins with paying more attention to what’s already working.